September 5th, 2020
and Dynein - Kinesin protein functions
debate. What is the smallest feature of this from the cell wall to the
inner workings that hasnt really been addressed. I caught a youtube
video of the Dynein protein walking along a micro tubule that seriously
weird-ed me out. The ATP chemical function on its motility struck a
nerve on transport methods in and out of the cell. Glutamate s have
a effect on this. This takes it all down to the atomic level of chemical
interactions, nothing below this feature from the mitochondria to the
Today I pitched this to the VA RAC, attached to a email from a year ago
about the before / after genome projects to map GWI's genes to show
the DNA changes after the war. Nothing has been said about this the
last year on the genome project. Had been saying for years we need
to nail down the protein / enzyme abnormalities ( 4,000 to 6,000 ) that
would apply. Genome segments would narrow down to 40 areas that
First post on my website I had said this got no reaction. A few hours
later I got a email from Lawrence Steinman ( chairman ) saying my idea
was great. But, he started talking only about the Dynein and left out the less
stable Kinesin protein. So I had to send out a second email asking
they look at both equally. This conversation seemed awful familiar
to a year ago when he said my genome project was great also and
then that went silent.
Im such a undervalued resources in this crowd. So much arrogance
and contempt from people spinning there wheels. But, I know I dont
want on this committee because VA would hamstring me the way
it did on my VA advisory committee 10 years ago. They play dirty
and look for ways to silence brilliance or inspriation. The RAC now
is gutted and planted with ringers short of Dr Baraniuk. But, he is
not a team player either and over time they will use that against him.
Of course this will all go no where. We have no oversight, much less
people that even care. This is about singling out people like me and
wait us out till we die. So VA can go on making Gulf war illness a mystery
that cant be solved. Just like DOD still hiding the bulk of the records from
the Gulf war out to 50 years thanks to Obama. If it went well, why is it
still 99% classified 30 years later? To protect the corrupt politicians
that profited from the war. Im fighting on 2 fronts between the records
and the medical care to a silent arena with no platform.
There is a tremendous sense of cruelty in all this, as vets like myself
are vilified and kept at arms length for serving out country. Day to day
life is mostly hardship that no one cares happen. Living with 30 years
of health issues that VA went out of its way to insult, and trivialize.
Average American looks at me and frowns Im not missing a arm
or leg. You cant be disabled, you dont look it. Which makes it easier
for them to be judgmental and treat me badly. Too many people now
that cant wait to find someone to take there crap out on, and veterans
are easy targets for cowards.
Where do I go with all this? Im looking for answers. Im closer than
anyone to them as I pay attention. but, America is so backwards now and
all the wrong people are in charge day to day. The reason I say this is
you look for the simplest answers, and you resolve them. I expect
results along a time line. Thats where Im different, I expect tangible
results that fix things - and most are just out feeding petty emotions
or base animal revenge. You need a start point, and build up. Americans
are too busy tearing down what is left till Covid finishes them off.
August 5th, 2020
At a total loss
in the American wasteland
from the view of a lone vet in the wilds of Texas. Been through
a hellish year trying to prep for the devastation that would come
from a arrogant over confident population spiraling out of control.
In the end. nothing I said or did mattered in all this. So what if
I was prepared. Who cares I knew better about anything at all.
So taking all that down. Keep it simple.
Then it occurred to me, the attitude and indifference I had been given
the last 24 years as a advocate was only a reflection of what would
happen to all over time. Rome is burning, and people have given
up on doing what is right or caring. Which made it easy for the
minorities and others this year to try and kick off attempts to
champion there causes and fail to the same apathy. Now only to
become the hunted as the public backlash kicks off.
Where am I now in all this? How do Im advocate my fellow vets
and my own plight in such a hostile arena. Hostile? Absolutely.
The attitude when you step out the door is: Every person thinks
they come first and we owe them, so how dare anyone put there
needs ahead of them in any way. This bizarre contempt is only
building as no one helps no one, and those that used to help people
burn out from being over loaded. So Covid runs amuck while folks
sulk that there not worshiped. Waiting for others to fail, hiding at
home doing nothing, using up the last of the resources watching
the infrastructure collapse.
VA certainly cashed in on this. Works out so well for them. They
can hide from public opinion, hold no public meetings, and simply
let Covid do there job for them. Doctors dont even have to leave
there office or touch a vet. No medical baseline labs to track there
health. Worse yet, since GWI vets have a series of immune
problems Covid will seek us out and kill us off first. Then VA
can make up any story they want without opposition. Opps,
all the GW vets drank themselves to death - was substance abuse
The GW RAC is certainly no exception. Research? With nothing
but ringers on board and the flimsy veil of interest in public comments.
Reduced to one virtual meeting this year. The content of that July 7th
meeting was such a let down. Covid, DU, PTSD, stress. Its 1995
all over again thanks largely to Dr. Hunt. That old deployment health
grudge match to insult veteran to death firmly in place. Its all
somatic folks, vets are faking it. NOT. Jerks.
Then there is Congress. Who cares if veterans can survive the
new financial hardships. They didnt even have a plan with the
1st stimulus checks so that vets saw them. Much less meet
the skyrocketing cost of living in a crisis. Took a while just to
get that sorted out. You can tell they plan to wait us out and see how
many make it without help. There wont be a Cola increase or aid for us
this year. Maybe for what is left at the end of next year. Once they ranks
Im reduced to a spectator, watching the flood come in and only can
ride it out alone. Been right most of the year about my predictions,
more than the country, and its leaders. But, no one took any of
this serious and now the dread of August has come. How do I or
the rest of the sick GW vets make it in a country tanking hard. Where
thee is no clear leadership, plan, or method to solve the many leaks
in the dams about to burst. Survival in the coming year will be mostly
luck, random luck. Of which for me has mostly been bad for decades.
People out there wont do right by others, or themselves. World community
is watching America implode with glee and horror. As the golden goose
they picked at dries up. Not realizing the true devastation to come
by being petty. Was too easy for most to make it, had to ruin that
for others. Well, its all going backwards now really fast. As we slip
back to the 1800's. Cant just pick it apart.
How do I use this website to help anyone, much less me. Not sure
what to do or where to go. Last man standing? Thats not a reward
if all I have are turnips. ( Gone with the wind - ref ). Surviving in a
wasteland isnt survival. Believe me, been there a long time like that.
At least Ive got experience at this and be far more ready than
most. Sure going to miss it all though. Hell, already do. Im hustling
scraps like I did in the wilds of Iraq long ago. Im there once more.